2nd July 2021. I completed my first year of medical school two days ago. I had been waiting for this moment for so long, yet now that I have reached an actual culmination point, alongside a much-needed summer vacation, I realize the extent to which I have experienced burnout. I write these posts to be 100% honest and not to sugarcoat a damn thing. Hopefully, I can look back upon this blog years down the road, and recall all of the struggles I (successfully?) overcame to make it to the “other side” (aka, a career and lifestyle I am proud of and wholeheartedly in love with). So here goes…
This first year of med school was the hardest thing I have ever done to date. I went through some highs, and many, many lows. Academically, it was tough. Mentally, it was draining. Even socially, despite entering school in the midst of a global pandemic (or perhaps because of it), it was a challenge. I cycled through so many emotions throughout M1 year that I almost feel as though I have no emotions left. In fact, as M1 neared its culmination point, I contemplated the idea of letting go of med school altogether.
I started off the year strong, but as time passed, my study habits progressively stopped reflecting my academic potential and needed to be changed. Yet, I never really had a chance since we had a mere 5 days off between winter and summer semesters. And I burned out. Even now, I find it hard to reflect upon my successes & failures and simply recover from a seemingly never-ending string of exams that spanned a half-year. Yet, I am not depressed. Not even a little. In fact, I’m really happy and I have been for quite a while.
I know this has been a predominantly sad post thus far, but here’s the part where I give you my silver lining: the people.
I have met some truly beautiful souls here in med school, despite COVID which led me to do my first semester in NY. I thought I would hate FL, and I honestly did at first. As time passed, I found myself naturally gravitating towards certain people who continually brought out the best in me. I learned that people enter medicine for a variety of reasons, some more compassionate than others. Med school teaches you how to scope out the people who share your reason for wanting to become a physician. You feel connected to them on a deeper level.
I got really lucky. I met people who I feel like I have known my whole life– it shocks me that I just met them in the past half-year. When I was crying my eyes out thinking I couldn’t handle much more being thrown at me (there were a lot of tears this semester), they reminded me of my strength.
There have been many twists and turns. In fact, I am currently deciding whether to pursue a dual degree.. I am learning that age should never be a barrier to following my heart and making the unconscious conscious when it comes to my true desires in life (as Carl Jung would say). And this means acknowledging that I want more than just medicine in my career.
I know this post is a bit all over the place, and I believe this perfectly resembles my life at the moment; ever-shifting, ever-evolving. I already know that in a few months from now my life will be completely different. I’ll try to update this more, so if you’re still with me, stay tuned… 🙂
Med for the Mind 