6 Jan 2021. I had a lovely first day of M1 winter semester of med school. We had 8 hours of classes, from 8am to 5pm. I slept through the first 2. I tried to watch the 3rd while doing some yoga, and didn’t even realize when my laptop shut down halfway through the lecture. It didn’t help that Pink Floyd was blasting from my phone, drowning out the voice of my professor the entire time. I didn’t even attempt to watch lectures 5, 6, 7, and 8 in real time. I ended the day with a heavy wine buzz, which sent me right off to a nice, sweet sleep.
I’ll catch up with school work, I’m not at all worried about that. But damn, was it difficult to go back to reality after what was one of the best months of my life (December 2020). I had a full month off, and did every non-medical thing my heart desired – I read 10 novels, wrote every day, created new yoga routines for myself, and mediated every morning. I went from CA to NY to PA to VA to FL, back to VA and then NY. I caught up with friends and family, and listened to a shitload of classic rock.
I started this blog because I wanted to see what changes medical school/life would bring about within, as I continually learn more about myself. I already know for a fact that I am not the same person I was when I started medical school (with the hope of going into emergency med- which I’m now not so sure about) in any sphere of life.
Which is why I’ve decided from this point forward to view every human as an amalgamation of chapters that have already been written, and as a chapter in the making. In other words, I hope I never judge anyone for who they were in the past, if current circumstances indicate they have changed. How cool would it be if everyone in the world started off by loving others as a baseline, and then used subsequent interactions as a means of adding to or decreasing that initial state of pure, innocent love? I know this is an impossibility for some, but that’s my new commitment in life. To love everyone and everything until they give me reason not to, tabula rasa (blank slate) style.
This post was completely unplanned so it’s more of a stream-of-consciousness as to where I stand in life right now. It seems like the unanswered questions about my future are only expanding rather than narrowing themselves down, especially as I enter a new life (new chapter!!) entirely – with my move to Florida, my new roommate, new classes, new friends, new love, new everything. It’s exciting… but it also feels overwhelming and bittersweet.
In the midst of it all is this 13-course semester that seems like it is going to bite me in the ass. I naturally have an optimistic personality, but this may just be a true test of how deep my positivity runs. Pray for me…
Med for the Mind 